Frustration: What I feel for the majority of each day. Frustration that I lack the language, the concept, idea, thoughts outside of "I am frustrated." I assume it's a character flaw, a mental block or lacking that I have; it is beyond the limits of others' perception and understanding. How do I deal with it? Not enough time now. Never enough time.

Not enough words, not enough concentration or focus. Just a general lacking in everything necessary to succeed here. Options?

1. Give up. Just quit this, stop plummeting further into debt, realize that this is all a farce and that I've no part in it.

2. Suffer through to the finish. You've been here for four and a half years, and you still have no idea what you're doing. Challenge? Challenge what? Convention? How do you challenge conventions when they are not afront your mind? The inability to describe our world makes communication impossible. Perhaps I shouldn't use words, and instead rely entirely upon graphics.

3. Figure out if there's a way to fix the problem, and finish in glory. There is no guarantee of this. Go try some things out. Can they hurt? Maybe. . .

4. Forget completely this and keep on as always.

Relationships, both architectural and emotional. Related? Need to read more.


Pops concert tonight. Toccata and Fugue in D Minor, JSBach.

"This is the ghost of normal everyday assumptions which declares that the ultimate purpose of life, which is to keep alive, is impossible, but that this is the ultimate purpose of life anyway, so that great minds struggle to cure diseases so that people may live longer, but only madmen ask why. One lives longer in order that he may live longer. There is no other purpose. That is what the ghost says." p100

Inductive (reasoning from particular experiences into general truths) and deductive logic (using general truths and pre-ascertained knowledge to discover particular instances).

"The real purpose of the scientific method is to make sure Nature hasn't misled you to into thinking you know something you don't actually know." p131



Tat tvam asi, "Thou are That"

Beginning Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance

"What's new?" versus "What's Best?"

"When you want to hurry something, that means you no longer care about it and want to get onto other things." p34